“My name is Tatum. I am a fellow-traveler, a cojourner, if you will. Sometimes I feel like I am bumbling through this life, but I know–and my heart rejoices in the knowledge–that He will bring me safely through. And so I keep walking, keep moving forward, hoping in what is both unseen and sure. I am a dreamer and am baffled at how Jesus continues to fulfill the most precious secret wishes of my heart. I am learning. I am striving. I am waiting. And I am seeking, above all, to see and know and love Jesus for who He truly is and to live my life in response to Him.”
that’s what i just wrote on my “about the author” page. over these last weeks, maybe months, a bit of me feels like i’ve gotten lost. but i suspect the root came in much earlier. muddled. busy. trying to do too much. relying on my own strength and abilities. and i realize that in the mix of it all my view of Jesus has become quite obstructed, perhaps technicolor (in the sense of “superimposing the three primary colors to produce a final colored print,” as dictionary.com so aptly puts it). perhaps lately i have taken a few primary ideas of who Jesus is and placed them on top of one another to get a final image of this Jesus i have been dwelling on as of late.
i have been thinking a lot about this lately, this desire to see and know and follow after and love Jesus for who He truly is and not just for who i think Him to be, or–perhaps worse–who i want Him to be. reading Matt Mikalatos’ book Imaginary Jesus has greatly encouraged me in the process. in IJ, matt seeks to expose and dethrone the imaginary jesuses that we follow (these false ideas that we have of who Jesus is) in order to make way for the true Jesus and set us about on a quest to find out who He truly is and to love and follow after Him–the real Him–in response.
some dear friends and supporters once told me that their favorite thing about my ministry updates was that they were always so Christ-centered… all about Jesus… all about the Gospel. it meant a lot to me that they said that because at the time i was so infinitely and acutely aware that Jesus was the most precious and dear thing to my heart… that He was everything to me and that i had to share the Gospel. not out of obligation or duty… it was out of love. i could not help but share the Gospel because i could not help but share my First Love with those that needed Him too.
in some ways i feel like the spouse who, in the midst of life and circumstances and hardship and mundane normalcy, begins to see only those things so that eventually the face of their beloved becomes faded and indistinct, a hazy memory of what once was. they cease to be a student of their spouse, becoming more and more unfamiliar with the desires and subtle nuances and rhythms of their beloved’s heart. somehow they become distant and unfeeling strangers that happen to share the same living space. ::shudder:: i do not want that. i want nothing to do with that.
and so here i am, on a quest. a quest to see whatever wrong (or low or inadequate or false or whatever else you’d like to call them) views i have of Jesus torn from my heart and thrown into the fire and to more and more see and know Jesus for who He truly is. to become more and more intimately acquainted and familiar with the Jesus who is. to remember my First Love and to press in. to love and follow after the real Jesus and not some imposter that my foolish and deceitful heart has manufactured over the years.
tonight He reminded me of this in the deepest part of my heart. that it is all about Jesus. that it is all about the Gospel.
so here’s to the quest. here is to seeing Jesus lay further claim to His place on the seat of my heart’s affections… here is to Jesus being our greatest treasure.
want to come along with me? i know we will not be disappointed. i suspect that very soon the Jesus of whom it is said that “all things have been created through Him and for Him” will show up (Col. 1:16).
why?
because i know that He wants His rightful place in my heart more than i want it for Him.
