God has stirred me from a long slumber it seems.
He is showing me much and reminding me of much. He has been showing me more of my pride and the “works righteousness” bent of my heart… and, by His blessing and grace upon me and by His Spirit within me, causing my heart to grieve over my pride and adopt a posture of repentance for that. a posture of humbling myself before Him and of coming before Him in glad subservience (meaning “useful in an inferior capacity” or “serving to promote some end”). He has been bringing before me this concept of what it is to be a “bond-servant” of Christ for Jesus’ sake. and last night, through a dear friend, d., He reminded me that Jesus says in Matthew 20:28 that “the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” Jesus did not come because He needed me, but because i desperately needed Him. i am needy and weak and broken and Christ is the All-Sufficient One. all of my service when my heart is full of pride and the belief that i can or must earn the merit and favor of God (or, ashamedly i must confess: of man) is, at best, worthless, and at worst–and truly it is indeed!–sinful and in direct opposition to God, only deserving of His wrath. i feel the words of Paul in Galatians 3:3 when he cries out, “Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?”
i needed to be served. i am needy. and, again i say, Christ is the All-Sufficient One.
and yes, Christ calls me to a life of service–to a life of living for Him and losing my life for Jesus’ sake and the Gospel’s (for, in doing so, my life will be saved)… a life of obedience, yes. but He is and always has been firstly concerned with the heart. He desires and is pleased with and delights in and rejoices over obedience that flows from the heart. and, as my friend d. wrote, “only AFTER that will our imitating Jesus, our helping others, be done well.” obedience that flows from anything other than an obedient heart is not obedience at all. that kind of obedience is really just feigned deference that seeks after the accolades and praise of man or self–that desires, above all else, not the glory of God but for self to be held in high regard. and Scripture tells us that God opposes the proud! may God forbid it in me!
one sunday a man stood up before the Church and said “i am like a Pharisee.” i, too, must say that my heart strikingly and terribly resembles that of a Pharisee. please pray for me, Beloveds, that the Lord of heaven and of earth humbles me sufficiently for His glory and for His use of me for His glory. i see the Spirit’s work in my life and heart in this area today, but pray for it all the more that “Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death” (Phil. 1:20).
hearts bound by cords of pride and fear
are freed by Christ’s own drawing near.
lives marked by guilt and sin and shame,
now saved by the Remover of the stain.
humbled, for they have no choice,
for He Alone called them by His Voice.
